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- INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN
Intimate partner violence against men is much more common than you might think. It is present in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Social stigma surrounds all intimate partner violence, regardless of gender, but there are certain stigmas related particularly to men. Society's notion that men are the "dominant or more powerful" sex can lead a man to avoid disclosing his situation based on what people think. Fears of being seen as "weak" or "controlled by a woman" could keep an abused man alone and without help. A man might avoid reporting because he fears not being believed by his support system or the authorities. They might not believe that a woman could abuse a man therefore leaving him stuck in an abusive relationship. When there is abuse in an LGBTQ+ relationship, one partner might threaten to "out" the abused partner to keep them from reporting. This will often silence the victim and keep the abuse going. The victim might also doubt getting help from the authorities because of their gender expression. Keep in mind that not all domestic violence is physical. Emotional, verbal and financial abuse is also used against men. You can visit this blog post for a broader view of what domestic violence entails. Here are some important statistics regarding men as domestic violence victims: 1 in 7 men have been severely physically abused (hit with a fist or hard object, kicked, slammed against something, choked, burned, etc.) by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. 1 out of every 19 U.S. men have been stalked in their lifetime to the extent that they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. 1 in 20 (5%) of male murder victims are killed by intimate partners. More reasons a man might stay with his abuser: Love. The cycle of abuse is confusing, and feelings of love and fear of being alone often keep a victim trapped. The lack of services designed specifically for abused men. The idea that marriage is for life and that leaving is "sin". Concern for the children. An abuser might threaten to keep the children from a victim. Feeling unable to care for the children alone if the victim gets custody. Belief that the abuser will change. Financial concerns/lack of money/no job. Nowhere to go. Embarrassment and shame. The abuser's threats to kill themselves. The abuser's threats to kill the victim. Where can a man find help? Domestic Violence Hotline - call us at 719-275-2429. If you are not in our area, we will help you find a local agency or shelter. Someone you trust - a friend, family member, or spiritual leader. Keep in mind that people who also know your abuser are not the best choice to confide in. Health Care Provider Counselor or Therapist If you need help, please call us at 719-275-2429. If you are not in our area, we will help you find an advocacy agency close to your home.
- THE LINK BETWEEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HOMELESSNESS
Domestic violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women, with close to half of all women reporting that domestic violence was the precursor to their homelessness. Research shows that 1/3 of all domestic violence survivors report becoming homeless upon leaving their abuser. If you think you may be the victim of domestic violence, please seek help from a Domestic Violence Advocate. Call us at 719-275-2429. There are a number of reasons for this. One major contributor to homelessness for domestic violence survivors is financial abuse. Along with physical and/or emotional abuse, financial abuse is present in 98% of abusive relationships and it is the #1 reason victims stay in abusive relationships. Financial abuse is when a victim is denied access to household funds, and this can even occur when they contribute to the household budget through their job. No access to bank funds or credit cards makes it almost impossible for someone to leave. Financial abuse also includes the victim being isolated and "not being allowed" to work. This puts someone in a situation with poor employment and/or credit history, making it difficult to find a job once they decide to leave. Domestic violence often includes isolation from family and friends who would normally be able to provide support for the victim once they leave the abusive relationship. As you can see a victim is often presented with the choice between staying with the abuser and having food and shelter for herself and her children, or becoming homeless, often with her children. Housing for victims is a necessary component of a victim being able to leave and start a new life without abuse. If you think you may be the victim of domestic violence, please seek help from a Domestic Violence Advocate. Call us at 719-275-2429.
- MOVING FORWARD AFTER ABUSE
After an abusive relationship life can feel overwhelming, and it can be hard to figure out which direction to move. You might find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of loss and loneliness and the feelings of missing the abuser can be surprising. OR you might feel relieved and excited for the future. Most likely, it is a mix of both. Either way, there are some things you will want to consider. First of all, you are 100% worthy of love and peace in your life. The abuse that you suffered is not your fault - that responsibility is on the abuser. You now have the opportunity to heal and grow and create a new life for yourself and your children. This will take work, it can be painful, but it is worth the time and effort needed to go forward. Consider doing this work as a way of loving and valuing yourself. One thing to remember is that feeling the feelings is essential. Allowing yourself the time to grieve all of the feelings such as anger, disappointment, and even sadness at the time and relationship lost, is the only way to freedom. The old adage is true: the only way out is through. And the best way to make it through is by seeking support. Let's talk about healthy ways to move forward after abuse. You do not have to add all of these things to your life, nor is this an exhaustive list of things to do. Feel free to start small and pick what feels comfortable and safe. You get to choose your pace. Supportive Community An amazing place to find support is your local domestic violence agency. You will find counseling, support groups, housing and food resources, and much more. In Fremont or Custer counties, call 719-275-2429. Domestic violence agencies offer their resources free of charge and with a high level of confidentiality. One of the biggest factors to moving forward is having people around you that love you and want the best for you. If you are surrounded by loving people, great. If your support system is weak right now, that is OK. You probably have more support in your life than you think. Keep in mind that your support system can and will grow, but it does take time and effort. Look for support here: Family Friends Neighbors Advocate Counselor Coach Support Groups Your doctor Spiritual Community Community Groups 12-step programs or other recovery groups It is OK to start with one or two people you can trust. Life has a way of growing and getting better as you are growing and healing. The important thing is that you have people that you feel safe around and with whom you can be open with about what is happening in your life right now. Therapy, Counseling, and Support Groups Reaching out to a counselor or therapist can feel scary if this is your first time. This support, however, can be life changing. Being able to speak your truth in a setting that is both understanding and validating is priceless. Therapy and counseling provide a safe space to express and process emotions. When emotions are overwhelming and confusing, having the guidance and support of a counselor or therapist helps. It is common to carry feelings of shame and hopelessness after abuse. Your counselor or therapist can help you navigate these feelings. You will also be able to learn about new tools for going forward in life such as dealing with heavy emotions, working through shame and regret, growing your self-esteem, boundary setting and more. Support groups provide community at a time in life when you might be more isolated than you would like. You will feel less alone talking with others who have had similar experiences and who are moving forward with their lives. Groups provide hope for the future since some of the members will be farther along on their road of healing. When you are starting out, this can be highly motivating. Groups are also the perfect place to start building your support system. To find counselors and groups geared towards healing after abuse, visit our website: familycrisisonline.org Positive Affirmations Abusive relationships tend to bring up self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance (among other things). It takes time to reclaim your life. Using affirmations each day helps to overcome some of the negative stuff swimming around in your mind. Abusive relationships usually include mental and emotional abuse which affects our thoughts. In fact, a large portion of our thought life comes from the things our parents, teachers, and partners have said to us in the past, and if those things are largely negative, it can create pervasive negativity in our thought life. Rehearsing these negative thoughts continues to do damage. Writing down affirmations and leaving them in places you will notice them often will help you start this habit. Saying at least one of these affirmations to yourself 20+ times a day will bring about change after some time. You are worth the effort it takes to do this! Try these affirmations or create your own: I know and trust my own mind. I am worthy of love, just as I am. I accept myself as I am. My home is becoming a haven of peace, safety, and love. I have firm boundaries and the strength to stick to them. I am capable of making decisions on my own. I am healing step by step, day by day. I am strong enough to feel my feelings. I am a whole and complete person on my own. It is an honor and privilege to know me, it is no one's right. Self-Care Self-care after an abusive relationship is an important way to engage in your healing. An abusive relationship is traumatic and emotionally taxing and your body and mind need time to rest. Giving yourself that time to rest is self-care. You may be feeling a lack of energy at this point, and that is 100% normal. Often, in the early stages of being on your own, simple tasks such as brushing your teeth and bringing the mail inside are overwhelming. Give grace and compassion to yourself, even if you think you should be doing "more". If you have lots of energy and feel very positive about the relationship ending, you can take on more at the beginning. The whole point is to do what works for you and what feels good. The best way to start with self-care is to start small. Don't create a giant list of things to do or you will end up burning yourself out. Keep in mind that self-care is "being mindful of your own needs and doing what it takes to care for yourself". Asking yourself these questions will help you figure out what you need: What refreshes you? What makes you happy? At home: At work: Experiences/activities: People: What makes life meaningful for you? What are you choosing that makes you happy or unhappy? It might take some time to answer these questions, and that is OK! Ideally, self-care will be a life-long process for you, and you can add or change things over time. Take a look at this list of self-care ideas. You might find some things that work for you, but feel free to add your own ideas. Self-care is all about YOU and what you need each day. A perfect way to start your day is to ask yourself "WHAT DO I WANT AND NEED TODAY?". Begin by picking one or two items and see how that feels. If you have more energy, do more. It is 100% up to you! Brush your teeth Drink water Movement, exercise, dance Spend time with family and friends Ask for help Do something creative Get enough sleep Drink water Say NO Read a book Listen to music Clean one room in the house Organize a closet Take care of plants Go out and get ice cream Don't forget to add your own ideas! It might feel "selfish" to make yourself a priority but be assured that it is not. Self-care is a way for you to love yourself, maybe for the first time, and it will help with your healing process, and you will find yourself liking "YOU"! Healing after abuse takes time and effort, but it can be done. You are worth the effort it takes! Reach out to us (Family Crisis Services @ 719-275-2429) if you need help. We are here for YOU!
- Family Crisis Services, Inc. | Canon City, CO
Serving victims of domestic violence and sexual assault through advocacy, resources, and support Want to get involved? Your donations help us to provide services, resources and advocacy for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. DONATE NOW do you Need help? CLICK HERE Our mission Family Crisis Services, Inc. is dedicated to promoting safety and justice for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault through advocacy, support, and education. READ MORE Domestic Violence Support and Healing Learn more about healing after an abusive relationship. Find the support you need to begin again. CLICK HERE FOR INFO Boundaries and Self-CareSupport Group Learn more about setting healthy boundaries and making self-care a part of your daily routine. CLICK HERE FOR INFO Give today to help survivors start fresh DONATE NOW!
- Need Help? | FCSI
Are you in need of help? Family Crisis Services provides confidential and free services to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. Call us at 719-275-2429 to talk with a confidential advocate. If you don't feel ready to make the call, you can download our free Survivor's Handbook . We are here for you when you are ready!
- Family Crisis Services, Inc. | Our Mission
Our Services All of our services are free and confidential. 24-Hour Crisis Hotline A trained advocate is available 24 hours a day to provide support and information to victims of sexual assault or domestic violence and their loved ones. Give us a call to discuss your unique situation. (719) 275 - 2429 Safety Planning Controlling relationships can be violent & dangerous, particularly if a victim decides to leave. There are many factors to consider when deciding when & how to leave an abuser. Call us for information on Safety Planning. (719) 275 - 2429 Emergency Shelter For those fleeing due to domestic violence or sexual assault we operate an emergency safe house with case management. Call our 24-hour hotline for more information. (719) 275 - 2429 Advocacy Our advocates are here to offer survivors information, emotional support, and community resources. Each survivors needs are as unique as they are, contact us to discuss your situation. (719) 275 - 2429 Legal Info & Support Our staff provides legal information & assists in completing & filing legal paperwork, including family law & protection orders. We also attend court with survivors. If you need help navigating the legal system call our office. (719) 275 - 2429 Therapy Our therapists offer individual and group counseling for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, as well as their loved ones. PREA Specific Services PREA refers to the Prison Rape Elimination Act. Our PREA advocate provides services to incarcerated victims of sexual assault, as well as trainings on the implementation & impact of PREA. Contact our office for more information. (719) 275 - 2429 Education & Training We provide education to victims of sexual assault and domestic violence and provide training to the community about these crimes. We can cater trainings to your specific needs. Call for details. (719) 275 - 2429 Emergency Room Support During forensic exams, advocates will meet with victims of sexual assault and domestic violence to explain their rights, reporting options, and provide emotional support. Contact our office for more information. (719) 275 - 2429 We at Family Crisis Services, Inc. understand that each survivor's situation is unique and may be complicated. This service list is not exhaustive and we would be happy to work with you on your specific needs. Contact the office to discuss your situation with one of our advocates.