Intimate partner violence against men is much more common than you might think. It is present in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Social stigma surrounds all intimate partner violence, regardless of gender, but there are certain stigmas related particularly to men.
Society's notion that men are the "dominant or more powerful" sex can lead a man to avoid disclosing his situation based on what people think. Fears of being seen as "weak" or "controlled by a woman" could keep an abused man alone and without help.
A man might avoid reporting because he fears not being believed by his support system or the authorities. They might not believe that a woman could abuse a man therefore leaving him stuck in an abusive relationship.
When there is abuse in an LGBTQ+ relationship, one partner might threaten to "out" the abused partner to keep them from reporting. This will often silence the victim and keep the abuse going. The victim might also doubt getting help from the authorities because of their gender expression.
Keep in mind that not all domestic violence is physical. Emotional, verbal and financial abuse is also used against men. You can visit this blog post for a broader view of what domestic violence entails.
Here are some important statistics regarding men as domestic violence victims:
1 in 7 men have been severely physically abused (hit with a fist or hard object, kicked, slammed against something, choked, burned, etc.) by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime.
1 out of every 19 U.S. men have been stalked in their lifetime to the extent that they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.
1 in 20 (5%) of male murder victims are killed by intimate partners.
More reasons a man might stay with his abuser:
Love. The cycle of abuse is confusing, and feelings of love and fear of being alone often keep a victim trapped.
The lack of services designed specifically for abused men.
The idea that marriage is for life and that leaving is "sin".
Concern for the children. An abuser might threaten to keep the children from a victim.
Feeling unable to care for the children alone if the victim gets custody.
Belief that the abuser will change.
Financial concerns/lack of money/no job.
Nowhere to go.
Embarrassment and shame.
The abuser's threats to kill themselves.
The abuser's threats to kill the victim.
Where can a man find help?
Domestic Violence Hotline - call us at 719-275-2429. If you are not in our area, we will help you find a local agency or shelter.
Someone you trust - a friend, family member, or spiritual leader. Keep in mind that people who also know your abuser are not the best choice to confide in.
Health Care Provider
Counselor or Therapist
If you need help, please call us at 719-275-2429. If you are not in our area, we will help you find an advocacy agency close to your home.